Pity Party # 23

This gets very personal.

UPDATE - I obviously made this TOO personal. Just my rambling thoughts, no real change in our attitude or Christmas cheer. Maybe I have people worried about us. We are great and always have been. I thought writing down some of my occasional thoughts would be helpful; they are only thoughts and much too personal than what I intended for this blog....so some have been zapped!!!


Fliss wrote about this and the more I talked about it and the more DH echoed back, the more I know I have moved into a whole new level of this "WAIT". The best short summary of our feelings is what Nina wrote at Journey to Kavanna.

I understood when other women, waiting for their adoption, said that they tended to shy away from baby showers; just too many emotions close to the surface.
So when Fliss & Nina started the pity party, I wanted to join in.

DH and I have loved seeing the referrals of all the baby girls, we love reading the blogs about the journey to "mettcha/gottcha" day (we will call it "forever-day", forever family day). We love seeing the pictures as the little Chinese babies become American daughters.
Fast forward to 2 and a half years later (yep, 2.5 years), I am envious of the referral, the baby pictures, the travel plans, the joyous news of their beautiful daughter!!
We were told we would have our daughter before the end of 2006! Yes, 2006! So now we creep closer......

China has been overwhelmed with applications throughout 2005. Did we know this? No. No one expected that the applications would double and triple each month. No one knew that China would decide to process adoptions at the same rate of 400 - 600 a month. Since 2005, there was between 1000 - 2500 applications submitted per month. Supposedly the backlog of dossiers is over 40,000! We are in that backlog and creeping closer to the top of the pile. China even changed the rules so that after May 2007, less parents would qualify (like us - we are too old now by their new rules).

So when we joined the official waiting line in January 2006, little did we know that the current & expected 6 - 8 month wait would extend to the 24 - 36 month wait. The latest prediction is May 2008 for us. That will be our 34th month since being approved by our agency and 28th month since China said we can be parents of a little baby Chinese daughter.

DH recently left this comment on another blog that I'll share:
Aly and I laugh all the time about feeling as though we are trapped in "Ground Hog Day" (like the movie). We were just talking about this last night, about how horrible we feel that the true joy of others getting their referrals is not as exciting as it once was and SHOULD BE! We know why. The "Wait" is punching all of us in the gut and it hurts. You hurt, we hurt and those just now getting their little ones also were hurting. It's tough. You're human. We're human. And eventually, our pain will turn to joy. I know. I know. Sounds like some rose colored, get happy crap. Still, I hope you know that we know your heart is as true as your love for Kavanna. Our time will come. It will. It is. And we're there walking each step along side of you. Peace to you and your family this Holiday Season. Our prayers and love.

All in good time you say....
Yep, we know that all is for the grand purpose, there is a season for everything.....

It doesn't make us humans any different as to patience. When we decided to adopt, it wasn't our decision, within our control; it was a message to us that we have this opportunity and we should have been listening years ago....... We finally said let's go for it...China here we come!

So here we wait....... my rambling thoughts and emotions are up and down so many times I can't handle the downs any more.

I will not host the pity party, but I sure would like to plan one just in case.....