Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Conversations with Alyzabeth

Dad?

Yes, Alyzabeth.

Why was I abandoned?

We don’t believe you were abandoned.

Then why was I adopted if I wasn’t abandoned?

You were adopted because your China mom and dad for reasons we do not know left you where others could easily find you and take care of you until we could come and get you.

But why didn’t they want to take care of me? Why didn’t they want me?

We don’t know why. We do know they cared about you and that is why they made certain you would be found.

So I wasn’t abandoned?

No. In the best way your China parents knew how, you were placed for adoption. You were not abandoned.

Did they love me?

Baby girl, I don’t know but they must have cared about you very much.

I love you daddy.

Love you too Alyzabeth.

12 comments:

Doris & Dan said...

What a great way to explain it. Thx for sharing.

Keep smilin!

C.J. said...

Yes, I understand that the looser translation of 'abandoned' in China has a much less negative connotation. It means 'left to be found'. I like that terminology much better.

redmaryjanes said...

Just perfect. I will hold that in my heart until the question is asked of me.

amy said...

How sweet!

Diane said...

Beautifully put! That brought tears to my eyes!

rubyiscoming said...

sniff sniff - now this week, you and Harry Potter have made me cry.

Hugs - said it beautifully!
Kim

Courtney Mei & her Guinness said...

This post brought tears to my eyes because I know that we're going to have the exact same conversation with our CM one day.



~Dawn

Bea said...

That's beautiful. What a great angle.

Bea

fbw said...

I love this and I love the name! I hope it happens just like that-

Karin said...

I would like to suggest you amend your words.

It isn't possible to know why a child was abandoned or even who abandoned a child unless you have hard evidence.

It might not be the bmother. And if the child was taken from the bfamily by other family and then abandoned, it is still called kidnapping here, so we should begin to think of it the same in a country where it may be cultural.

And should a child succeed in finding their family, they may be rejected again, because the scenario might not be as pretty as you propose.

It's OK to tell the hard truths. Our kids sense them anyway.

"Honey, I just want you to know I really love you, that is why I am serving you with divorce papers."

Yeah, right.

It even affects the way they think about God.

Our children WERE abandoned. They were not placed for adoption. It's a hard truth, even for us to wrap our minds around, but we have to walk the walk with our kids.

Mom to 4, including two daughters from China

Alyson & Ford said...

Thanks for the suggestion.

I think I'll stick with my story. As you said, none of us really know the hard truth. This works for me and with God's love, we pray it works for Alyzabeth.

Peace
fm

"MissMeliss" said...

I just came home with my daughter, and let me tell you... I hope this conversation works. I worry about how to tell my daughter she was abandoned. And, unfortunately, that's all I know. I don't know by who, or why. It breaks my heart and I can only imagine how she might feel about it someday.

It might be better to let her know that you (I) just don't know and that if it makes her sad or feel bad, that is OK. Of course, I will let my daughter know that I love her more than anything, but I doubt that will take away any pain she may feel. I just hope I can help her along that road somehow.

Peace.
Melissa