Friday, July 31, 2009

I Blew Off Your Opinion. Not Your Question

“So, why China? Lots of kids in America need homes.”

“That’s true. You’ve adopted domestically?”

“Uh, well no. Our kids aren’t adopted.”

“You’re planning to adopt?”

“No. I was just wondering why you adopted from China.”

“Yeah, I caught that.”

Touchy? Sure. Thin Skinned? Like Paper. Ready To Let It Pass?

Don't Count On It...



*OK, I'm a slow healer. Every now and then I do go off on a rant. I'm doing better... :) Sort of.


Mama Duck said...

The occasional rant is OK. :) And I like the way those questions and comments were fielded...too often, it's too easy to actually try and explain things, when no explanation is warranted.

Dale said...

I sympathize. I had a conversation with my Aunt which went along the lines of... "Don't give all your money to China again--just call Catholic Social Services and tell them you went to Aquinas College... they'll find you a nice Catholic kid. When the girls at West Catholic High School get knocked up, their parents take them to Catholic Social Services. Don't use Bethany, thats where the snobby Dutch down at Christian High take their daughters when they get knocked up..." I sometimes want to shake people. Also, a sixish year old Dutch brat at Costco ran up to Frances pulling on his eyes and singing "Me Chinese, me play joke, me go pee-pee in your coke"

China Dreams said...

I'm with you. I think that too often people don't realize how many options you've investigated and not chosen before you finally do make the choice of China. They also have no idea of the complications involved in both domestic and international adoption, not to mention the complications associated with mixed race families. I have frequently seen the attacks about race, as well-why didn't you adopt a black baby? why is a Chinese child more acceptable?

I love your comebacks. Though it's a totally different situation, do you remember when Mary Kay gave pink Cadillacs to top sellers. People criticized that-who would want a pink Cadillac?-and her comeback was, "What kind of car did your company give to you?" It shut the critics up in the same way that you did, I'm sure.

Cora said...

I think that is perfect.

Kristy said...

I love your comeback and I really hope I remember it, because I am sure it will happen!!

Love, Kristy

bbmomof2boys said...

These type of comments are from people who just don't get it. They don't understand and probably never will. When we first told people that we were going to adopt from China one of my friends said "Oh, you want to adopt from China because all the celebs are adopting" umm...yeah, that's it exactly!

All we can do is try to educate them and pray that after doing it 100 times that they finally get it.

Many hugs!


NorasMommy said...

Nicely done!!

I usually just reply "because Nora was in China", but I know this reply isn't going to work when the kids are older and THEY want to know.

Other people, though, you're absolutely right - none of their beeswax!

Have a great weekend!


P.S. I haven't checked in for a while, so sorry to hear about the loss of your furbabies.

a Tonggu Momma said...

Amen, Ford, amen. I've always wondered why adoptive families must defend their choices (when ethical issues are not involved), yet couples who chose to grow their families biologically never receive questions. Although that's not exactly true either... large families (three or more children) also receive a gamut of comments and criticisms. Anything outside of the norm and people feel they have the right to critique. Sigh.

Chinazhoumom said...

I am going to have to remember that one!

Jacquie said...


Johnny said...

I'm curious as to the when, how, and [redacted]who proceeded that conversation.

Dawn said...

That is the best comeback I have heard for that nosey questions. I give it a 10 out of 10.
We have had Lily home for 61/2 years and sometimes the questions still floor me, other times I can take them in my stride. It depends on my mood I suppose and of course whether the children are with me.
Well said.

KHM said...


Yea - only people who never adopted ask stupid questions like that.

Once you do any type of adoption you know how hard it is and how much you have to think it through to do it.

Hardly just a whim of of thing to do.

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

Oh that (excuse French but it has to be said) somewhat pisses me off... if I don't be calm in the answer then I will go nuts and so I just say 'Life happened that way'... then I change the subject... I can usually tell who is being nice and who is being stupid - hence the reply comment and those being stupid ask "How much does it cost?" and I say "The same amount as you going to give birth at the hospital"... can't people just look at the kids and think what a gorgeous little girl/boy instead of something like what a lucky little Chinese girl/boy... know what I mean... of course I am not trying to step on anyone's toes... just a thought... why people just can't look at any child as a child first and foremost... I think that we are the lucky ones...