Thursday, January 07, 2010

The AT Visit

Follow up on our recent visit from the AT.

Intolerance betrays want of faith in one's cause. Mohandas Gandhi

Ever find it difficult to convey emotion in the written word that allows everyone to grasp the intended message, the feelings, along with the subtle and more overt nuances you scattered within? Can you ever be sure that the reader is able to adequately place pauses and emphasis just the way they spilled from your thoughts to your fingers? Maybe a tad difficult.
This may broadly explain why columns on politics and religion can be uplifting to some while nothing short of fighting words for others. Add adoption to that list :)

Perspectives can be intriguing and challenging, especially when buffeted by no small shortage of differing positions, different angles fueling the debate or in some cases, rants.
Adoption World is no different. Adoptee, AP and BP each harbor experiences mingled with expectations that help define their points of view. It should be recognized that rarely, if ever, should the words of one individual be construed as speaking for the group. A slippery slope indeed for those venturing down such a path.

Tolerance and acceptance smacks a wall when the individual or group claims exclusive ownership of justice and principle, elevating their perspectives to the realm of what is Right and Wrong. While convenient, the self-serving stance will generally fail in meeting the minimum threshold of equal rights balanced, dare I say it, for all.
AT's are not bound by circumstance, rather they are bound by their intolerance of differing points of view coupled with a resistance to forging a mutually agreeable compromise. And least we miss an important point; this potential entrapment is equally shared.
Never said it was easy.

In the course of life we begin making choices. Some we regret, others we value as examples of our strength and capability to enact positive change, accomplishment. When ideologue perspectives turn to uncompromising principles evolving into civil law, it should come as no surprise that intolerance's deepen.
Compromise requires strength from all parties. Rather than being an effigy of weakness, compromise embodies the tireless work of bridging islands capable of sustaining common ground. Just as our choosing to live our personal values is a choice, denying choice to others eventually serves as an enabler giving reign for intolerance to trump compassion, hate to rise above love and war to replace peace.

I am under no illusion that the Adoption Taliban will not show up again. If not my blog, then possibly yours. Then again, I have every reason to believe that opinions have every right to be heard even while unpopular.
Who knows, maybe someday we will all take the time to listen to what the other is saying and work together for real change to take place.
Maybe, someday...


Chris said...

Well said!!!!

I love how you write...

from the heart...yet, so sensible.

I applaud your stance!

Your phrase, the 'Adoption Taliban'...perfect!!!

Vivian M said...

Well said!

a Tonggu Momma said...

I missed your recent visit by the AT. I loved Johnny's comment on that post and your very humorous label "AT." I will share that I find it much more difficult now to have a closed adoption (as opposed to several years ago)... the Tongginator asks a lot of questions, you see, and I just can't answer much of anything. That? Is very difficult.

J.B. said...

It seems you have used your experiences to grow in wisdom. What more can we ask?

bbmomof2boys said...



Truly Blessed said...

One of the more frustrating things I've come across, when talking about adoption, is the absolute chasm between those who are pro-adoption and can recognize that adoption can, indeed, be a good thing for all parts of the adoption triad, and those who have been hurt by it so much so that they cannot fathom adoption ever being anything besides pure evil.

You were right in your analogy - that talking about adoption is nearly as divisive and dangerous as talking about politics (outside of the political circle to which you belong). It's a shame, really, as both sides have compelling stories and things that the other side can learn.

Keep posting, though, don't let the anonymous trolls get you down!

Colleen said...

I had to go back and read the first post...I can't believe some of the comments...oh my gosh, some are just nasty!!! It's wonderful to have an opinion...that's what makes this world so fantastic!!! We are all different...but some of those comments were just down right horrible!!!
I found your post to be wonderful and it really made me think!! I love that..If I wanted an open adoption I would of adopted domestically. We chose international for several reason, one of them is that we wanted a closed adoption. IMO there is no wrong or right...when people criticize me about our adoption I usually turn to them and ask them how many children they have adopted? Usually the answer is 0...that's when I not so kindly say "zip it".
Love your post!!! You keep on speaking your mind...that's why you have one girl!!! : )

Dita said...

So eloquently written, Ford.
So truly said.

Yes, maybe someday.....


Kristin said...

I was actually once called, "A terrible mother who put all IA at risk because of my recklessness." This in response to a photo I posted of my then 4 year old daughter in the back of a NY taxi... not in a carseat.

The AT have visited me with some regularity... the little darlings.